Anxiety

For most of the week, I've remained calm and stoic about the idea of failing. I've realized other options and paths available to me, and am confident that I can have a life filled with happiness even without a legal degree. But none of that provided me with much solace during these few waning hours before I can see my grades.

Part of me wants to fail. I miss the old job. I miss the game, the financial freedom, and the "neat" story about what I did for a living. But more importantly, I'm not really enjoying law school. Sure, a few of the topics pique my interest, but most often I'm zoning out. I've always been that way, in regards to class. Would I be happier in a law-related job? I simply don't know.

Part of me wants to pass. Maybe I'm not sold 100% on the prospect of being a lawyer, but I'd hate for that decision to be made by someone else. If I don't want to finish law school, fine. But to have the knowledge that I couldn't do it? Devastating.

Apathy

Well, it's been more than three weeks since my last entry, and we're in the thick of the new semester. Perhaps "we" isn't the right term; I shouldn't include myself along with the rest of the class, since I've been slacking as of late.

I'm not exactly sure why, but I'm struggling to find motivation. Maybe it's because we get grades on Friday, and at this point, I'm still unsure about how "well" I scored. But that's not a fair excuse, because everyone else feels the same way.

To get a grasp on exactly how apathetic I've become, check the time and date of this posting. For those not enrolled as members of section four, I'll fill you in; I'm writing this entry during my property course. In fact, I haven't read for property in a week. And honestly, I feel horrible about it. Not because I'm behind, or feel lost in class, but because my professor is so damn nice that I feel like I'm letting him down. But still, that's not enough for me to change my ways. Yet.

Maybe I'll feel differently when I get my grades. I guess I'll find out in a few days.

Lucky Me

I became the first person to get called on this semester. Hooray. Even better, I had no idea what we were talking about because I have yet to purchase a Torts textbook. I attempted to answer the first question, even though I relied solely on my neighbor's whisper, but unfortunately, he didn't know the answer either.

Well, at least the cat is out of the bag; I'm an idiot.

Ready or not...

...here we come.

Second semester starts up in the morning. 9:50 AM, to be exact. But I'm not ready to go back. Part of me hopes I failed the first semester miserably, and get "cosmically redirected" somewhere else. I'm not excited by the idea of barely passing and becoming a below average lawyer. There are enough of those. But until I get my grades (in two weeks), I'm going to stick with the plan.

Like the rest of section 4, my Monday schedule is as follows:

Legal Skills 9:50-10:40
Torts 10:50-12:05
Contracts 2:40-3:55

I don't even know what a tort is, unless being a lawyer also involves making tasty desserts. The worst part is that both Torts and Contracts assigned homework. Yeah, right. I'll start tommorow. The break was short enough as it is. Speaking of which, it's time I headed to bed. I'll miss you, 4 AM.