The Gill

I participated in the David M. Gill Mock Trial Competition solely out of spite. It's no longer something I'm exactly proud of, but it's the truth. Not being able to speak in the previous oral advocacy competition, after winning my "room" left me disheartened and disgusted. I wanted to show my professor that she was flat-out, 100% dead wrong about me, my abilities, and my future.

Last night, I performed my closing argument for the plaintiff. The speech itself only took seven minutes, but the feedback seemed to last forever.

"Good eye contact, but not enough."
"Slow down."
"Your fact simply isn't true."
"You can't use that; it'd never get into evidence."

I'm not used to that. My experience with feedback involves an appreciative audience in awe. And as I left the room, I didn't feel so hot. Granted, I was disapointed with myself from the very second I finished speaking. I stumbled over one strong point and failed to even mention another. The judges did tell me how much they enjoyed my speech, presence, and that I had a lot of quality arguments in the text, but their kind words were tough to process after getting destroyed by a tandem of lawyers.

It took me a while to get to bed last night. I knew I could do better. And because of the format, I had another shot earlier tonight. After several re-writes, edits, and practice, I felt rather confident. The speech was a bit shorter, but I thought it'd allow me to focus more on a steady pace and "vocal variety" as my old teacher, Ms. Mansell used to say. I walked in at 7:15, took a deep breath, and dived headfirst.

It wasn't perfect. It never is, or at least I never think so. I forgot my "lines" at a few spots and had to improvise, but it seemed to go smoothly. I still paced a bit, but I kept my eyes focused on the judges. And my closing was both articulate and powerful. The feedback was much more kind, this time around. They loved the analogies, alliterative phrases, and gestures. Unlike the previous night when I had to squirm, this night, I was able to bask in the glory of my hard work paying off.

I hate to say it. I hate to write it even more. But if my professor had allowed me to participate in the first event, I doubt I would have even entertained the idea of signing up for the Gill. I might have not even put in much work on the first competition. Instead, my professor made me earn it. Granted, I have no idea how well I did compared to my peers. I might make the finals on Thursday, I might not. And right now, I don't really care. Sure, I'd love to win. But what's more important to me is that tonight, I can sleep well.